An open Letter

You say I’m on a crusade and that I’m too in your face, but have you ever even thought about why I say what I say? Maybe I do post too much. Maybe Im a little bit intolerant of people who’s views are different than mine, but have you ever stopped to wonder why? Did you ever think that maybe I post so much because I’m trying to convince my that there’s still hope for this whole church thing, or that it’s the only thing keeping me from walking away from it all? Did you ever think that maybe I have a dog in this fight because it affects me personally? Have you ever even thought that being gay and being Christian really is a fight just to be seen as equal and that in many ways it’s similar to being in an abusive relationship with someone you love. It’s like being with someone who says they love you back but demands that you change something at the very core of who you are, and if you don’t it threatens to take that love away and demonize you for it. Have you ever thought that leaving Celebrate Recovery tore me apart because I thought I’d finally found a faith community where I could be loved and accepted for who I am and then had that stripped away just as I was starting to really believe it. Do you know about the years that I prayed for God to change me and that I hated myself every minute when I didn’t? Do you know how terrified I was to tell anyone the pain that I was going through, even you? Do you know that I’m scared still writing this letter even now, or that I once dreamed of being a pastor and now I tense up every time I meet someone new when find out they’re a Christian? Do you know how much your opinion means to me? I don’t think you do, but I still love you.

– Cody Burton. Love you mom

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5 responses to “An open Letter

  1. Hey Bro…. I dont know you or what all of what you are going through…. I just read this one post and sounds like you are hurting. Sorry to hear it.

    I am also certainly aware that there are massive issues around being gay and christian…. how it feel? I have no idea but again, I can read pain in what you posted.

    Look, I don’t have any answers and I don’t pretend for a moment to know it all or anything of what you are facing or feeling. I do however know pain…. my experience with it and in that, perhaps there is come commonality.

    Brother to brother, I sense your pain and reach out in understanding to you. You are hurting and that is all that matters at this moment. I care, I empathize, and I have been there. Not your exact pain, but mine. And at the time it seemed unending and without solution.

    All I can offer is to suggest to live for today. Accept today’s grace and live in today’s provision. Believe for today, remain faithful for today, seek to get through today.

    Be around people you trust, accept help, and keep it simple. All of these suggestions seemed trite to me when I was given them in the midst of my pain. Until I finally got desperate enough to take the suggestions.

    That was 8 years ago and I am still here. Thriving and growing.

    My issues were different than yours, but issues they were. I wanted to die, thats how bad it hurt. Betrayal, loss, and demoralization to a level I did not know existed.

    I don’t know the answers but I do know the answerer. Hang in there bro, keep open minded, live for today.

    Will check in with you again. Pop by my blog any time.

    Chaz

  2. Brother be encouraged. If Jesus isn’t bigger than the thoughts and fights we have in our head, then He’s not God. I’ve wrote some about my own personal journey. Feel free to check it out. registeredrunaway.com is also another encouraging blog for those of us who love Jesus and are trying to reconcile our sexuality.

  3. God loves his whole creation, and he loves you, even if some of his people say otherwise. Brother, God loves you, and there are other Christians out here who pray for you and accept you just the way you are.

  4. I hate when anyone is in pain. We all experience pain and betrayal and loss at some time in our lives and how we deal with it and eventually leave it behind us, or not, is what defines us as human beings. The most obvious question in my mind to those who would cause such hurt and sorrow in Jesus’ name is “how many times did Jesus tell you to love your bretheren and not be their judge?” If we could somehow reconcile that question with our need as humans to be right and be on the right side of morality, then the pain and suffering might have a chance to end. In my mind, it is not a question of morality, per se, but more a question of who do we want to be as Christians. I choose love. Jesus spoke of love more than any other single thing in the bible, but there are so many that choose to skip over the love and go right to judgement, which we are admonished not to participate in. I am sorry for your painful journey, but remember that it IS a journey, which implies that we will eventually find the right destination for us. Peace and love be with you.

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